my life is a lie.

being away from home for so long. i think i kinda lose myself. or maybe i've lost myself long time ago.

i was reading my family group chat. it is my mother's side of family. i just felt so distant. i felt like a stranger. it's been so long since i last saw them. i don't think i would feel comfortable around them. well, not like i was comfortable before... i guess it will be even more uncomfortable now.

and then. i've just been thinking about how i live my life here, while i am away from my family. i am a completely different person. a different person when i am in my uni. a different person on my stan twitter. it's a 180 change from my real self. my parents did not spoil me. i spoiled myself. what's the difference between me and her? no difference. i thought i turned out better than her, but no i turned out exactly like her. maybe even worse. i want everything i can't afford. i can't actually afford this lifestyle. my life is a lie. it's a goddamn lie. i hate myself so much. why am i like this? where did it go wrong? i don't even know anymore. i gotta stop. someone stop me. i hate myself so much.