what should i do?
Exactly one month ago, I finished my internship. Which means that I am officially done with my uni life now. The only thing left is my internship grade. I don't think I did so well but I still hope I'll pass.
Nowadays all I worry about is what I am going to do after this. With my degree and my lack of skills, the only field I can get into is education. I've experienced what it's like being a teacher. It's not easy at all. I was so freaking drained. To make things worse, most of my students didn't give a damn about me. I was so angry at them, at myself when I saw how they treated me. The only thing I enjoy about my experience is the working environment as in the colleagues. Everyone treated us so kindly. I am very thankful for that.
Everyone expects me to be a teacher. My coursemates. My parents. My friends. Everyone. I always tell my coursemates that I don't want to be a teacher. One big reason is because I just don't see myself fit to be a teacher. I suck at the subject I majored in. I suck at planning lessons. I suck at explaining. I suck at dealing with kids. I just don't have a good teacher's qualities. I am also quite emotional. Whatever the kids say or do, it will affect me. I hate that. I know we are still in the process of learning to be a teacher, but I just, don't think teaching is for me. If I can't be a good teacher, I don't want to be a teacher at all. I would feel ashamed to face my students, if I suck. Why even bother being a teacher if I suck. That's what I think.
Another reason is the pay. You don't get rich by being a teacher. But I want to be rich. Do you see my problem now? It's not that I'm materialistic. It's because I have a lot of things to do and doing these things require money, a whole lot of it. My other siblings won't be able to do it so I want to do it. I need to do it. I don't mind spending all my money for it. I just need to do it.
Lastly, my one last concern is that being a teacher means you will become an example, probably a role model to your students. In many schools, they place an importance on what the students believe in. Also means that I need to believe in something, I need to be part of them. It's very unusual if the teacher does not believe in something. I'm tired of faking it during my uni life. Do I need to continue in my working life? I'm really tired of it.
Anyway, I know I've listed the major reasons for me of not being a teacher but honestly. I am good at nothing. If I don't become a teacher, there is nothing else that I can do. Nothing. That's why I am deeply conflicted right now. What should I do?
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