tired.

So much time has passed since my last appointment with my therapist. I was getting better only to get worse again. These days I have so much frustrations with my workplace and my personal life. Sometimes I just wish I could quit everything. Sometimes I wish I could stay inside and not see anyone for as long as I need. Sometimes I wish I could cut ties with everyone. But I can't. I have responsibilities. I can't quit my job no matter how much I hate it or the people at my workplace. My family depends on me. I can't quit. I can't go crazy. I can't die yet. I hate it. I hate that I have to stay alive for other people. I'm tired. And lately so many bad things happened. It's like the world is trying to stop me from being happy. Everything went wrong. Nothing ever goes right. Not in my life, not in my family's life. I want to stop suffering. I feel so tired and drained. I want to say no. I want to fight back. But I can't. And so I become angry all the time. I get angry at everyone. I become a nasty person. I have so much to do but I don't have the time because I am always tired. It's hard to make myself do anything. I either avoid it or I sleep. Most of the time, I sleep. I'm also sick of people's expectations of me. I hate how they expect me to be excellent at my job. I suck real bad. Because I hate my job. But they don't know that. They don't know how much I hate my job. How much it drains me when I socialise with everyone at work. They don't know how much I curse inside when they talk to me. They don't know how badly I want to quit and run away. 

/now playing/