July's worries.

 JULY.

Questioning my capabilities and skills. 

When the principal asked the students what can the students contribute to the school and what their strength is, I wanted to find my answers to the questions as well. I know I'm not good at anything. I feel useless. There's still so much I have to learn, so I feel stuck here. It's hard to learn anything when they keep giving me tasks. I can't keep up. I just feel lost. I want to give up. I start to hate everyone. I hate my workplace. I'm tired. When will I be able to be the best version of myself?

I hate myself for thinking about useless things. I hate myself for worrying about what the kids think of me, instead of worrying about my lessons. I hate myself because I care too much about other people at work. I should focus on myself. I should focus on my work. But what am I doing? Every day I wonder if they will talk about the kid. Every day I anticipate something. Every day I expect the kid to see me and greet me. I hate myself for thinking about this. This is useless. This does not deserve to have a place in my mind. Priorities. I have so many other important things to worry about. Please how do I stop this? 

I just want to focus on improving myself. Focus on making money. Focus on myself. I need to do this. I need to succeed. I need to be someone I can be proud of. 

Can I make it? Will I make it? I don't know. We'll see.