I'm unhappy.

I'm full of envy. I want everything other people have which I don't have. 

I'm unhappy with my life. I know I have been having these thoughts since I was a young child. I didn't know it could continue until now.

That's why I don't like to be on social media. It'll remind me of how unhappy I am with my life. It'll cause envy and jealousy towards other people who seem to  have a much better life than me. 

I'm an ungrateful brat. 

I am never satisfied with my life. 

I always want more. More.  And more.

Seeing random people on Instagram living their life so freely,  I get so jealous. Even though realistically, it must not be all that pretty inside. They are only  showing the good things on their social media. Still, I feel envious of them.

I want to have a life like them  as well.  They can do whatever they want. They look so happy. Me on the other hand, I have to work this job that I hate because this is the only job that I am qualified for. I can't quit because what am I gonna do then?  My life feels so suffocating so I want to break free. Dying is not an option  because my family needs me for financial purpose. 

When people ask what's my dream, I always want to tell them that I want to be rich. I never have enough money from my paycheck because I lack a lot of things. I have to buy everything  myself.  Normal  people have things that their family bought for them. I don't. My family don't.

Other people seems so happy  with their job. I want to be happy as well. I want to love my job too, but I just can't. There are way too many things that ignite the rage in me. My colleagues. My boss. My students. No one is excluded. I just can't feel happy here. I want to run away  so badly.

I wish I wasn't such a coward. 

But I also can't leave my  family. Taking care of them is my responsibility.

I'm so mad that I can't leave. And I'm mad at myself for wanting to leave.

I'm an ungrateful brat.

I will never be happy because things that I assume would make me happy, they are impossible for me to have.

I can't leave the country.

I can't quit my job.

I will forever be an unhappy loser who secretly wants to live a carefree life.