Kim Hye Yoon, I'm falling for you.

It's SolJae fever.

I'm currently obsessed with this couple. 

However, while others are simping over Byeon Woo Seok, I'm more drawn into Kim Hye Yoon. She is just like Im Sol, in her real life. She is so damn  adorable.

The more I see her, the more I know about her, the more I feel envious of her. 

I was rewatching her on House on Wheels,  she was really cute there. 

She's pretty. She has a good sense of humour. She is bright and cheerful. She lives her life diligently. She works hard to get to where she is now.  She is everything I wish to be. 

When I watched that scene where she talked about how she used to have several part-time  jobs before she became a full time actress, I was triggered.  I started to think how I've been living my life wrongly. I'm  pathetic. I was comparing myself to her, people like her.

Why is it that other people work so hard to achieve their dreams? How is it that people can just live their life diligently while I feel unmotivated to live all the time.  I was wondering if I had the same drive as them, I wouldn't be a loser like I am now. Perhaps I would be happier if I loved living. Or is it because I don't have a dream? The only dream I have is I want to be rich which would be impossible for me to achieve. And that's because I've been going the wrong way from the start. 

This drama is a time slip drama. Im Sol is able to go back to the past. I've always liked shows about time travel/time slip. The reason is because I wish I had their ability. If I were to be given the choice between going back to the past and to the future, I would always choose going to the past. I honestly don't care much about the future. I believe that by living my life correctly, it would lead to a better future. So, if I could go back to my past, there would be so many things that I would change. Well at least the way I live. I hate my current self. My current self is the result of my past experience. Therefore, I really want to relive my past. I want to live a life that I won't regret. I don't think it's possible now. It's impossible to change my life. I will be forever stuck here, stuck this way. The only thing that makes me feel a bit better is by escaping into the world of Kdrama. I long for real connections but I don't think I even deserve that. I'm an awful person. I don't deserve good things.

I wish this drama never ends. When it ends, where will I find my short-lived happiness? 

My thoughts are all over the place, but my point is, I love Kim Hye Yoon, as Im Sol and as the person Kim Hye Yoon. I wish nothing but the best for her. I know I will never be like her. But that's okay. I will just have to last until death comes to me.