Mother's Day but I'm only thinking about my father.

Today is Mother's Day. 

I'm still at home even though it's Sunday because tomorrow is public holiday. 

Actually I could have not stayed home. But my father is alone at home. I don't know how long he has been left alone. My eldest sister has not been home since two weeks ago. My second sister is still out of town. She is only coming home the day after tomorrow. My brother in law lives with us but I didn't see him yesterday. Obviously not today as well. 

I have a plan tomorrow so I will need to leave early in the morning. But I feel bad. I feel bad for leaving my father alone just because I want to have fun. I'm being selfish. I only think about myself. I feel bad that he will come back to an empty house. I feel bad that nobody is eating the food he cooks. I feel bad that I am busy enjoying myself while I leave my father alone at home. 

We barely talk at home. But that doesn't mean I feel relieved about leaving him alone. 

To be honest, I can feel his loneliness. I think it would feel even worse when he is alone at home. That's why I think he shouldn't be left alone at home. Even if we don't talk, at least he knows he is not alone. 

I feel like I don't deserve to live. I don't deserve to enjoy things when this is how I treat my father. He shouldn't be left alone even if he can do things himself. Loneliness is a scary thing. 

Should I move back into our house?