Nothing special.

Happy birthday.

Is it a happy one? Can't say. Not sure. 

Nothing special about today. The only different thing is that I have to reply to people's birthday wishes for me. Good thing it's not face to face. I would have felt so awkward. It's already awkward replying to the messages. 

Anyway, one thing that I keep being reminded of is the fact that I am so different from others. I don't deserve anything good because I didn't live my life right from the start. I am ashamed of myself, my lifestyle, just everything about me. The worst part is I have to pretend to be normal. I am anxious all the time because I am scared that they will find out the truth about me. The truth that I've been trying to hide for so long. The truth that most people don't know about me.

I want to restart my life but I know that is not possible. To change it from the current state, it's just too late. 

My only option is to leave. To cut ties with everyone and start a new life somewhere nobody knows me.

That's my birthday wish for this year.