nobody.

a nobody.

i just want to be

a nobody.

I no longer want to be a somebody. If I ever said that I want to be somebody, then let me take that back. I want to be a nobody. Someone that nobody cares about, someone that people barely notice, someone that is not important to anyone.

Today we had a class, should I call it a drama class? Well it's not exactly a drama class, but we learn basic acting in the class. And I messed up. I freaking messed up. I understand, that the lecturer was frustrated. But, I never said I was good at acting. I never said being an actor is easy. Maybe his expectation is too high, but why? Why having high expectations on people like me? I don't have the talents. Skills. Knowledge. Why?

He said I don't have imaginations. He's right, I guess? Or he's not.

I have a lot of fears, in me. Acting? Speaking in front of people? Even just, standing among the crowds, it's difficult, for me. I'm not sure, whether he understands, or not. But, there are people, who, the more you pressure them, the worse they become.

I feel like, the longer I am here, the higher the possibility of me, going crazy.

And then there are these people, who keeps, trying to make me feel guilty, for not living my life, like them, for not believing in, what they believe in. I mean, this is my life, only I, have the rights to control what I do, and what I want to believe. You say you won't force people into doing what you are doing, but you're doing exactly that.

Why can't people, just let me live the way I want. Why can't people just, ignore my existence. Why can't people, just stop.