stuck.

I feel like writing now. It's probably because of the music I listen to. OR it was the assignment I was supposed to be doing,

I have so many thoughts lately. I wanna talk to someone about it. But, as always, I have nobody, I can talk about these thoughts to, or in other words, I don't have anyone I trust.

Three weeks in my second semester here. A lot of things happened. A lot of thoughts crossed my mind. So much feelings, emotions, that I can hardly control, I can hardly hide them.

[now playing]

Am I sad? Depressed? Angry? Was there a time when I was genuinely happy while I was here? I came here with the purpose of running away from people I know in my hometown. I came here, thinking I could run away from my problems. Thinking I could be someone else. Thinking I could change to someone I'm not. Thinking I could be happy. Now that I'm here, it feels like I become a worse version of myself. I already have a fucked up personality, but it keeps getting worse now.

Like I always say, in life, we have a lot of choices. I know I have choices. However, giving up, is not an option I can have. I have to finish what I started. I must not quit. I cannot be another disappointment to my parents.

It's hard. To pretend something I'm not. To say things I don't mean. To do things insincerely.

[now playing]

I was never a confident person. Being here makes things worse. My level of self-confidence, self-esteem become lower and lower. I'm not blaming my surroundings. I'm blaming myself, for not being able to break out of my shell. I am stuck. Stuck in my comfort zone.