hate me or hate me.

I've been listening to this song for 2 days straight. Today is the third day. It feels calming, comforting, but it makes me think of things I don't want to think about. So I end  up feeling shitty. Still can't stop listening to it though.

I think my students hate me. It's so fucking obvious. They just read my messages, not doing any of the works I asked them to do. If they didn't see my messages, that's fine, really. But they can reply messages in the group, but can't do the work they have been assigned? I'm just, tired. Of all this.

I don't think I can be a teacher. It's too draining. Emotionally, especially. While I'm here feeling frustrated, shitty, depressed, my students are enjoying their life without worries. I know they don't like my subject, and me, but I wish they would do it, just show an effort. But they are kids, what do they know about respecting other people's feelings, right? 

I know I'm sensitive as fuck. I take things too seriously. I get frustrated easily and I hate myself for being a shitty teacher. On my first online class I was being so serious in the group so I kinda replied harshly to a student's complaint. I was trying to let them see that I'm not joking, they need to do the work I've assigned them to do. But I think it took the wrong way. I think the student was probably offended or hurt. OR maybe I could just be overthinking. Maybe he's just lazy. Yesterday, I had another class, he didn't say anything at all. Only after my class ended, he replied to his friends messages. Maybe he hates me now. Heck I think many of them hate me. This is why I can't be a teacher. Things like this affect me, a lot. It makes me have certain perceptions towards the students. And these are stressing me out. And now I can't focus on my work.

Being stuck inside my dorm already suck. Now my students are acting this way. I just want all of this to be over already.