everyone has a dream.

I haven't finished my last entry yet I'm already writing another one. sorry. I'll continue writing it later.  I have so much to talk about so it takes quite some time. Promise I'll get back to it. 

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So, um yesterday  I watched a Korean variety show - I Live Alone. It's a show which reveals the everyday life of celebrities who live alone. As I just finished Chicago Typewriter and fell in love with Yoo Ah In's character, I am at the stage where I want to know all about him. I actually saw some clips of his episodes on YouTube but that was before I knew who he was. Since I wanted to know more about him, I ended up watching his episodes to find out what kind of a person he is. His episodes did not disappoint at all. Watching him actually inspired me. Okay maybe not inspired but um it made me think about something. 

That something is...... how I want to live my life in the future. 

I've always dreamed of living alone. Having my own place, living on my own, just doing anything I want alone. He does seem lonely, living in such a big house alone with his two cats but if I could get a chance of living like him, I'd for sure grab the chance.

I like the idea of living alone. True it can get lonely sometimes, but it's also peaceful and calming, isn't it? At least, that's what I think. 

Source/credit: https://twitter.com/amidstsilence/status/1263151068273410048

The illustration above is something that I stumbled upon on Tumblr. There were a few other illustrations with similar theme by her. I love them all. When I look at them, I imagine being the girl in the illustration. This one particularly, caught my attention. I love the decorations in the room. I love the cat. I love the atmosphere. It's my dream to have a cool bedroom like that. Now to add to that dream, I want to have my own a place, and have it all to myself. I think it would be so fun to have my own place. 

One more thing, these days I've been thinking about marriage and relationship. As I'm currently unemployed and with the global pandemic right now, I spend my time watching quite a lot rom-com kdramas. Let me list down the dramas that I've watched since I returned home from university. Oh let me also include the dramas that I watched few weeks prior my return to my hometown. I watched other genre of K-dramas as well but I want to talk about the rom-coms now. First of all, I think the first rom-com that I watched was She Was Pretty. Then, I continued with Fight For My Way. I've never watched Park Seo Joon's dramas before. I agree he is a good actor, he is good-looking, but I guess I'm not that into him. Haha. Then, I watched dramas with So Ji Sub. I like him more than I like PSJ. He is cute and hot at the same time. But his hairstyle in Master's Sun is just ridiculously ugly. Ugh but I still love him in it though. After Master's Sun, I watched Oh My Venus, it was him again. I love his character in OMV a lot. He's so playful and seriously his chemistry with Shin Min Ah is no joke. How are they so good together on screen but not actually in love in real life, I'll never understand that. Anyway, after that I think I watch another Shin Min Ah drama - Tomorrow With You. I haven't finished it though. I stopped at episode 14 and it's been weeks. I don't think I'll finish it. Then, I think I watch The Secret Life of My Secretary and then Because This Is My First Life. I also watched two movies - On Your Wedding Day and Crazy Romance. I know some of these dramas are quite old as in more than 4 years old. I'm quite late to the K-drama world. Anyway, okay I feel like I've lost my focus. Let me continue in the next paragraph. 

So after watching all those dramas, I come to the realisation that being in a serious relationship is not easy. Firstly you need to get to know each other well. You need to be able to accept each other. And if you've passed that stage of getting to know each other and accepting each other, you need to build relationships with their friends and family. It's the stage that scares me the most to be honest. And then if you decide to move on to the next stage which is marriage, you are basically going to be part of your partner's family. Probably because my own parents do not have a good marriage and I'm not close with my cousins from either of my parents' side. So, it scares me. I can't imagine building a family with someone. I also don't think I'd want someone to be part of my family. It's kind of awkward. I'm already awkward with my own family so bringing someone else to be part of family seems even worse. Also, not only my significant other needs to be part of my family, I also need to be part of his family. I don't think I can do that. I'm just too awkward with people. What I've been thinking is that I don't want to get married. Maybe even not getting into relationships. If I were to be real honest, I don't think marriage is for me. 

My number one goal is to have a career and have a stable income. Then, my second goal is to do anything I want. One of them is owning a place, living alone. Maybe even travel on my own. I just want to be successful to the point that I can do anything I want. I think having a relationship will kind of limit what you can do because you need to compromise or even sacrifice something for your relationship to work. I love having my freedom. I want to live freely without being tied to anything - especially not a relationship. When I watched all those dramas, sure, it's cute, they all look happy but I just don't think I can have the same thing. I've never had a serious relationship before. I do wonder how it feels. I want to feel it not by watching the dramas but by experiencing it first hand. However, I feel that it's more important to be successful. I desperately need to have a job with stable income. Therefore, a relationship is the least of my concern right now at the age of 24 and I believe I will have the same thought for the next 10 years.

There's that. From Yoo Ah In's I Live Alone episodes to K-dramas and relationship. I'll leave this here so that I can look back in another 5 years, maybe, and see if I still dream of the same thing.