the idea of being in love.

Back to another post. 

In my previous entry, I said how it feels like there's no point doing anything. It's true even for relationship. Even though I long to be in a relationship, okay maybe not so much of  a relationship, but the feeling of being in love. I want to be in love again. But then my consciousness is telling me, "Does that matter? If you die, they are only going to end up hurting." So I thought, yeah that makes sense. Then, I should live my life without developing feelings for anyone for as long as I live. I'm pretty determined about this. 

However, I had a dream about this one guy I used to have a crush on during my high school. And then suddenly my desire to be in love is activated. I want to have somebody to like again. Maybe even a relationship. When I think about him, I would giggle to myself. Maybe I'm going crazy. I don't even like him, like in love. I just like the idea of liking someone and having someone to like me back. Maybe I'm just lonely. Damn I think it's because I'm lonely. I'm desperate. Oh I'm pathetic. It's embarrassing. I know. Maybe I should just die.