tired, still trying.

Did I mention I got covid?

Yeah, I got infected by my father. 

Today is the sixth day and I'm still positive. I don't know how to feel about that.

I need to report duty next month. But I just don't have the energy. I'm consumed by my anger and resentment. It's hard to do anything.

At first, I could accept it. I accepted that I got covid because of my father. Over time, I just keep feeling angrier. This all could have been prevented but because he thinks covid will disappear on its own, so he didn't take it seriously. He also thinks the symptoms he got when he's positive are the only thing he would be experiencing. He didn't consider the risk for long covid. Maybe he's lucky he won't get it. But I might. We might. Which means I will have to suffer. I'm already suffering for almost three months now. Because of covid, I have to suffer even more. I'm tired. 

It's difficult to stay in this house because everyone makes me angry. Everyone annoys me. I can't live here. I can't stay calm. 

No one gets it and nobody will ever get it. Sometimes I wish I would just die so they realize how serious things are. Or I wish I could just die so I don't have to suffer anymore. I'm so tired. I'm dying anyway. What's the point of trying to hold on?