i'm not a saint

Am I a bad person? I don't know. Maybe I am a bad person, or maybe I just have bad attitude. Does having bad attitude make me a bad person? If it does, then, I guess I am a bad person.

I've been thinking about some things. I've been observing some people. I've been thinking about my life, myself.

Lately I notice some people no longer talk to me the way they used to talk to me. I notice some people act differently around me. And what did I conclude from this? They dislike me. Or probably hate me.

I think I know why.

Probably because,

They knew I wasn't sincere in giving them help.

Yes I wasn't sincere. Why?

Because I was mad. And why was I mad? Because they were depending on me.

Whenever we have homework they would not do it themselves but always copied my answers. They did not even try to do them! It's upsetting because I was spending all night to complete those homework. And they came to school, copied my answers, and saved themselves from being scolded by the teachers.

Actually that was a different story.

The real reason was probably because,

Whenever they asked me for answer, I would not say anything and just show them my answer. Whenever they asked about something, I would start by saying "I don't know..." and then say, "I think it is blah blah blah. Maybe this is what it means/maybe this is how we do it. I don't know." That was how I usually helped them.  Sometimes I was sincere. But most of the time. I was not.

Do you think I am a bad person for doing this?  Because I don't think I am. I was also thinking. Whenever they asked me how to answer or what the answer was, I was always thinking. And I really don't like it when people disturb me while I am thinking. Plus, I am not a genius. I don't know everything. I was also struggling to find the answers. Why don't they try to think and find the answers themselves rather than asking me all the time? I'm not going to be there to help them during the exams am I?

That's it. I guess after some time they finally realised how insincere I was. Because now, most of them don't come to me anymore. They only come to me when they are really desperate for my help. I guess it's a good thing, but a bad thing at the same time. Why I say so?  Because they now talk less with me. They also act differently around me. Even the way they look at me is different now. It makes me feel uncomfortable. Makes me feel bad about myself.

But should I? Should I be feeling uncomfortable? Feel bad? I don't know.