on the verge of death I guess.

Hello. It's been a while.

I don't have good news to share. I just thought I should write something.

I'm still jobless. My health is deteriorating. Each time a new day starts, it feels like I'm closer to death. If I could rank my most frequent thought, "I think I'm dying" would be my number one thought. It's not that I want to die. It's just that... my body is dying. I feel my body slowly dying. If I could turn back time, I would go back to when I was still healthy. I would live my life right. I would not take my health my granted. Is it too late now? I really don't wanna die yet. But I think... I'll die.

I'm not feeling depressed because I have depression. But this whole thing is making me depressed. Seeing a doctor didn't solve my problem. Is waiting for my death the only thing I can do now? 

This is something that I write everywhere. If I die, I just hope my family know I love them and I'm sorry. I contribute nothing to this family. If I fall sick, I will only become a burden. It's better if I just die. I hope they know that I don't mind dying. If this is my fate, I will gladly accept it. Death is not something sad. Death means you are no longer suffering. I'm just sorry for being a useless person when I'm still alive. Please just forget I ever exist.