rest in peace, beautiful souls.

People are dying, left and right. 

Father of a friend passed away on last Thursday.

And then we received news that our grandmother passed away.

I didn't really feel sad when I heard the news. I was feeling uncomfortable mixed with not believing she was really gone. 

All of us went back to my father's hometown. The first two days were fine. It didn't feel like we were there for a funeral. Everyone seemed happy. I didn't see anyone shed a tear.

Then come Monday. It was the day of my grandmother's burial. Before the burial, we listened to stories about her, told by her son, my uncle. It was then, everything felt real. When I saw my father's face, I teared up. It's not even because of my grandmother. It's because of my father. He made me cry. I was thinking about how heartbroken he would be. Because I imagined losing him. So I assumed that was how he felt right then. It's because my father is the reason I'm staying alive. I live for him. So, I was hoping that he didn't live for his mother. I was hoping that his lost wouldn't affect him much. Because he looked wrecked. When people offered their condolences to me, all I thought was 'Do not offer me condolences. The ones who need the condolences are her children.' Yes she was my grandmother. But I wasn't that close to her. I was only affected by the loss slightly. They should comfort the children. The children are the ones who love her the most. They are the ones who are affected the most. 

I was never good at comforting people. I couldn't say anything to my father or my uncles and aunties. I couldn't comfort a friend who just lost her father. I never know what to say. I hope they don't think I'm heartless. I'm just not good at this. 

Ps. I forgot to include this when I wrote this post. I believe death is not necessarily a bad thing. When someone dies, their suffering also ends, no? Although the people they left might be heartbroken, I think it's comforting or reassuring to know that they are no longer suffering.

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